Changed my look

it is kind-of in honor of Autumn...I think it still needs some more change...but that is alright now cuz the weather seems to think we need some more change too. 100+ degrees at the end of September is just not ok and really really not AUTUMN. yeah. So here a bit and there a bit. OR I may just do something totally different and then again I may just change it back.

I am unsettled.

can you tell?

No, really, I don't know exactly why. It has something to do with the season refusing to change. I love Autumn. I went outside one day and the air was crisp and I looked up and just above me in my maple tree out back was my first of the season colored leaf. It was red ~ such a garnet, current, cranberry red  ~ just at the edges like the green had dripped out during the night, draining the stifling heat of summer away and leaving loveliness there...then another one...and another one. OH! I had the best day all day ~ just because it was autumn. Yeah, did you catch the "was"? yeah! WAS!! Right after that, this "I am weather and I am throwing a stupid attitude FIT" of a heatwave came. Hot weather ~ nearly unbearable hot weather ~ crazy I can't breathe it is so hot weather. I know it doesn't really make lots of sense, but I think it irritated me.

You see it felt like life. Like "a season you want is coming ~ oooohhhh, psych!" Childish perspective, isn't it? I want change so much right now. It is hard when you feel mocked by weather.

On the whole I know waiting is just fine and I am just fine and I will be ~ when I see what I have been waiting for and I live in what I am waiting for ~ I will be better than fine. But I can't see. It is hot and it should be crisp and brisk and a bit blustery right now. And the air conditioning in the building where I tutor is broken (seems like SUCH a metaphor for so many things...but I won't go there now.) and Andy, the boy I tutor, is whining ~ and YES!  I KNOW!!! I am too.      .     .     .      sorry.

breathe
breathe                    ...                          again

In the course of all of a year there are so many lovely days. There are lovely days
in ever season.           I can wait for Autumn.        ...                     I will.
I will look up at the hope in variegated red and gold and orange glowing above me outside my back door.

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