Deep Calls

He would be 18      ~   tomorrow and it seems both like yesterday and like forever and never ago all at once. His name is Evan Daniel and he lived for 8 months hidden and kind-of alone with me      and then for just 10 minutes  and one breath                     18 years and a day ago. and now he lives with Jesus where it is forever and now  -- forever. And he waits for me. It was such a hard thing. One of those things that really should never happen. You are not supposed to loose and bury your children, your babies. You are not supposed to dedicate them when they are already actually and really in Jesus' arms. But we did. I didn't think, even then that it would kill me. What I wanted, though, was to fall, like Alice down the rabbit hole, but into darkness and keep falling for ever, and pull the darkness over my head and never come back. I thought of that: literally, but I didn't think of dying. THANK YOU, JESUS.  Thank you that You found me first. As I sat in

 a new washed world. It rained this weekend and now the trees look fresh scrubbed. The trees that line the street ... the autumn ones ... look like Jesus walked by and lovingly ran a caressing hand down one side, and left the them blushing. This morning as the sun hits the leaves they sparkle. Now the sky is blue and the air is crisp. I love it when the air is cold, but the sun shines on your face.

and I also like ~ the scent of freshly crunched, Autumn leaves. great poetry reading C. S. Lewis the first sip of the first cup of coffee in the morning listening to my kids talk and laugh with each other my children's wonderful insights -- they are so much more clever, so much smarter than I am cranberry red  left over pumpkin pie -- for breakfast stores that sell kitchen stuff Robin McKinley books, and nearly ANYTHING Jane Yolen writes great music ... especially if the lyrics are real poetry, not just words that go with music the scent of red roses ... to be continued

My oldest daughter turned 30. We had a party.                                                            ( Her brother gave her a "Happy 3rd 10th Birthday" card.) I took lots of the pics I had of her over the years and collaged them and copied it onto paper and then used it as stationary and wrote her a note. One of the memories that I included in the note was about how when she was 2 she accepted Jesus into her heart. Back then I thought, "oh, how 'cute'..." but I thought she would really accept Jesus and become a Christian when she was older and could understand . Lo and behold she began to have a prayer life. At that time she adored her Uncle George...when he came over she would run at full tilt and leap into his arms ~ every time he came over. She came to me one day with a bit of  '2-year-old-theology-logic' :                                                     "Mommy, if you love Jesus you will NOT do anything he                    

I like ... crisp Autumn mornings with shocking blue skies and air that pinches your cheeks ~ like your favorite aunt  -- not the creepy one who smells like the fake perfume counter at the local Sav-on, but the one who smells like the apple pie she just lifted from the oven -- little granson kisses when that grandson says "Gamma, hep me" fresh coffee in the morning to be continued