Deep Calls

Ran away with my husband for our 32nd anniversary. It was wonderful! This was the weekend between ending school and starting summer school, so nothing was "hanging" over my head. We love going to Pasadena. It is not a long drive, so we don't feel like we are spending too much time on the "get there" or the "get back". It is different than home so it always feels like "away" to us. We are familiar with where we stay and the layout of the city so it is like putting on comfy slippers, yet Old Town changes just a bit from time to time so there are always surprises waiting for us. So! We stay at the Courtyard by Marriott at the edge of Old Town. We park our car, get our stuff to our room and walk into town for dinner. We weren't sure what we wanted but that doesn't matter because there are restaurants with food from all over the world in easy walking distance no matter which way you head. We had had a  Spanish (not Mexican...which I do ...

I had a thought/feeling this morning while perusing facebook: I realized I felt a bit like I do when we are on a drive. There I sit, invisible inside the passing car. I look out and my eyes hopscotch across the horizon. Maybe a billboard catches my eyes, maybe I notice the flowers scattered across the hill in the distance. Perhaps I see a family in a nearby car (why  do I think I can see them but they won't notice me ? ? ? hmmm). I skim over so many 'see-able' things, hitting the "delete" button with every blink. Facebook seems like that for me sometimes. It is like I am scanning a passing view, glancing at some posts, stopping and looking into others. Even the scroll button at the bottom of the screen mimics the spin of the passing world out the car window. Is that why I like it? Is it the 'invisible viewer' stance I take? Maybe this isn't such a good thing...hmmmmm.

Hymns...5 verses, 6 verses. Prayers full of thee's and thou's spoken reverantly and full of emotion. Students' faces shining. Traditons: stepping over swords; students plunked on the head with a Bible to remind them that they must submit to the admonishment and correction of the Word of God; "Alma Mater" sung IN LATIN!!. Students hugging teachers passionately; teachers eyes and voices full of love and tears. Soberness mixed liberally with laughter. Everything serious; no one taking themselves too seriously. Honors. Pride. Joy. Laughter. Music. Tears. A room full of students who all worked together, who all worked hard ~ really hard. A room full of students who loved eachother and were passionately proud of eachother. . . . and me ~ crying my make-up off, and crying again, and crying again ~ and me ... hugging my students, crying with them, with joy, with passion. I remember these students in my class  -- deep talks, jokes, laughter, admonishments. I remember loo...

I have, today, the amazing privilege of attending the graduation for the Torry Honors Program at Biola. I am going as an invited guest ~ invited by two of my former students. Four years ago, 5 students who attended Southlands were accepted and are now graduating...2 of them are my students. I am pleased...pleased in a saturate and solid way. What I love about teaching is sharing the moment when a light comes on in someone's eyes ~ seeing wonder unfold on their face. Conversely what I hate (loathe, abhor) is the feeling I get when students do not want to learn and infact refuse to do so. . .students who close their eyes -- students who are purposely obtuse. The exhaustion and tedium of  enduring those dull boorish lumps (ok, harsh but yeah that is what it is like) is MORE than over matched when a student looks up, catches my eye and I can tell that they SEE...when I can see the wonder of "oh YEAH!" on their face. So I go on teaching. Therefore to be allowed ~ invited ...

sometimes as I walk, or clean a bathroom, or do dishes, my mind is full of thought fit for writing. Ideas and images brew into concepts that flow through my fingers off onto the computer screen. ... sometime ... not now. Now ~ it is like when you are standing against a wall in a very full room and you feel your lips seal -- tight tight -- you know, you just know, nothing will escape. That is how my mind feels now. There is no sound there. No words. No images. Nothing. Maybe tomorrow ~

OK! Better day!!!! As I groused and grumbled before the Lord, in His mercy He gave me an idea. I took blank paper, colored pencils, crayons and pens to class. I told them to read Revelation chapter 6 and draw something that depicted what was happening. THEY DID IT!!! They didn't grumble ~ they chatted and laughed, asked good questions and DID the assignment. Amazing how a better day makes you feel so much better!! And I have an entire weekend ahead of me with NO disgruntled-done students to manage. Before I went to class I asked one of the other teachers how it was going in their Bible class. I told her about my day and confessed, "I wasn't mean to them ... but I wanted to be!" She said, "OH, I was!! They were terrible and I got mean." We ended up laughing with all the teachers in the room about the silliness of end of the year syndrome, and the craziness in the class room. One teacher said, "yeah, they are asking questions .... just to make noise, like...

Ok...read the last post? well I crashed and burned! Not in an explode and fry the students way...but the class -- ok both classes were like I was speaking Gaelic to a wall...even I wasn't sure what I was saying by the end of the class. So...I will try again tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that and a few more days after that...