Deep Calls

He would be 18      ~   tomorrow and it seems both like yesterday and like forever and never ago all at once. His name is Evan Daniel and he lived for 8 months hidden and kind-of alone with me      and then for just 10 minutes  and one breath                     18 years and a day ago. and now he lives with Jesus where it is forever and now  -- forever. And he waits for me. It was such a hard thing. One of those things that really should never happen. You are not supposed to loose and bury your children, your babies. You are not supposed to dedicate them when they are already actually and really in Jesus' arms. But we did. I didn't think, even then that it would kill me. What I wanted, though, was to fall, like Alice down the rabbit hole, but into darkness and keep falling for ever, and pull the darkness over my head a...

 a new washed world. It rained this weekend and now the trees look fresh scrubbed. The trees that line the street ... the autumn ones ... look like Jesus walked by and lovingly ran a caressing hand down one side, and left the them blushing. This morning as the sun hits the leaves they sparkle. Now the sky is blue and the air is crisp. I love it when the air is cold, but the sun shines on your face.

and I also like ~ the scent of freshly crunched, Autumn leaves. great poetry reading C. S. Lewis the first sip of the first cup of coffee in the morning listening to my kids talk and laugh with each other my children's wonderful insights -- they are so much more clever, so much smarter than I am cranberry red  left over pumpkin pie -- for breakfast stores that sell kitchen stuff Robin McKinley books, and nearly ANYTHING Jane Yolen writes great music ... especially if the lyrics are real poetry, not just words that go with music the scent of red roses ... to be continued

My oldest daughter turned 30. We had a party.                                                            ( Her brother gave her a "Happy 3rd 10th Birthday" card.) I took lots of the pics I had of her over the years and collaged them and copied it onto paper and then used it as stationary and wrote her a note. One of the memories that I included in the note was about how when she was 2 she accepted Jesus into her heart. Back then I thought, "oh, how 'cute'..." but I thought she would really accept Jesus and become a Christian when she was older and could understand . Lo and behold she began to have a prayer life. At that time she adored her Uncle George...when he came over she would run at full tilt and...

I like ... crisp Autumn mornings with shocking blue skies and air that pinches your cheeks ~ like your favorite aunt  -- not the creepy one who smells like the fake perfume counter at the local Sav-on, but the one who smells like the apple pie she just lifted from the oven -- little granson kisses when that grandson says "Gamma, hep me" fresh coffee in the morning to be continued

I love it. I really do. Perhaps if I lived in Seattle or somewhere like that with skies a permanent grey and a dearth of sunshine, perhaps then I would find it tedious and drear. But I do not. I live here in the mono-seasonatic land of So. Cal.  Now do not get me wrong ~ I am NOT SORRY that I live here. I love southern California. I love the fact that even in the heat of summer, if you just can make it to sundown, the ocean breeze will flow in like a sigh of relief. I love the fact that when we get winter storms the snow glazes the mountain on the horizon, staying in the vista and off my roads. We get the beauty -- accessible in a mere hour's drive, if you wish -- but really, not the inconvenience and frustration. I love the fact that we can be at the beach  or in the mountains on a whim of any day. So ~ here, here where we get a bit of rain, here I love the rain. I love the color of the clouds: from gray to grey, steel to silver. I love the trees all washed green. I love ...

quiet and misty, the morning came.  cool and crisp, the air ~ falling from the grey ceiling of the sky ~ held the hope of autumn. perhaps that is what woke her, perhaps that is what called her from her dreams. as she opened her eyes she felt just the gentlest kiss of the morning breeze. the curtains ruffled, billowing playfully. stretching she closed her eyes and breathed in and just held her breath. the spice of autumn leaves crunched by someone's early morning walk mixing with the perfume of fresh made coffee.